I realise that I have neglected this blog for a while, I am incredibly sorry.
I understand that some of you will have been feeling pain and depression to an extent that you have considered suicide, but do not worry because......
MY REVIEW ON EUROVISION 2012 IS FINALLY HERE!
Okay, so I realise that it's a full 11 days late, but you can't have everything.
Aside from Azerbaijan's appalling human rights record, it was actually alright this year. Well, funny bad anyway.
First of all, I would like to mention this bloke.
Engelbert Humperndinck (Affectionately nicknamed 'The Hump'.)
Did we honestly think we had a chance of winning? He is 76. And wearing eyeliner.
His song was about 'how love will set us free'. Free from what Engelbert? The chains of a hip replacement?
We got 12 points, mostly because he didn't die on stage (although he came fairly close with that huge note at the end.)
According to his official website (www.engelbert.com) he was 'the victim of political voting'. Says it all really doesn't it?
Now on to Russia's entry.
Russia. A country not even in Europe.
6 Grannies. 6 teeth. They sung a song called 'party for everybody'. Although the best bit was the scones. Half way through one of the Grannies took some scones out of an oven. Why they need scones I have no idea, unless Putin was hidden in the oven with a pistol, screaming "DANCE FOR MOTHER RUSSIA!"
Surprisingly they came second, although one of the Babushka's did not live to see the results.
I have to say though, the highlight of the night was Graham Norton, and his comments about the legality of gay sex in Azerbaijan. What a legend.